Monday, December 5, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
-and you'll know where to look.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
the beginning of curiosity. I've asked many, many questions about existence, meaning of life, why the differences in all of us, our religions.
What brought me deeper into Islam?
the first of many nights i've spent reading the translated version of Quran. Even when i was disappointed by life, crushed down by the weight of society, i continued reading, for the words brought me PEACE.
Its PERFECTION. Everything falls into place. The history of mankind, its many religions, the 4 kitabs. Reasons behind every actions. Meanings behind the devotion to Allah Taala.
Were you 100% sure when you chose to say the Syahadah?
No. Although I am 100% convinced Allah S.W.T is the truth. I'm not 100% sure that it' was the right time,if i will have the support that i needed. I believe it was FAITH in ALLAH that has guided me. Although I am not sure it's the right decision at that time, I let my faith in Allah to help and show me the way. I submitted myself, my everything to Allah Taala, and I recited the Syahadah.
What happened next?
it wasn't as i've expected. I embraced Islam with zero knowledge of Fardhu Ain. You can ask me things said in the Quran, but I do not know how to Zahir them. I felt empty and helpless. I felt unsure. But again, it was my faith in Allah, the One, which brought me through.
My friend introduced me to Fardhu Ain, the 5 Pillars of Islam, and the 6 Pillars of Iman. I was guided throughout my learning to solat.
How did you learned to perform the solat?
Books and videos and observations. I quietly observed my friends perform their prayers and try them myself. I memorized the readings slowly. It took me 1 month to know them all by heart.
I started with performing the Zohor prayer daily, then, by the end of the month, I'm already performing the 5 daily prayers.
What did you feel when you performed your first solat?
Alhamdulillah, and syukur. I don't remember if there were tears, but I remember the feeling of relief and satisfaction. As if the whole of my body has finally learned what it's supposed to do. I remember how i loved performing the prayers, but kept getting myself frustrated because I kept making mistakes that I have to repeat the solat again.
Back then, I figured the more practise i can get, the better i'll be. So i'll find any chance i have to perform solat, be it solat sunat rawatib, sunat tahajud or just sunat mutlak.
I love the feeling of sitting on the prayer mat, facing the kiblah, and knowing Allah Taala is accepting you as His servant.
....to be continued
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, 'We believe,' and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
seruan padamu sering didatangi air mata,
tangisan keseorangan, sama ada dilihat
mahupun hanya disimpan,
lelaki, mahupun perempuan,
namun bagi mereka yang benar kaulewati,
sebalik tangisan kau berikan kekuatan,
yang mengukir ketenangan di batuan pilu.
masa mungkin menjadi musuh ketatmu,
namun padamu ia tak wujud,
yang ada hanyalah kalungan doa dan seruan harapan,
serta redha yang menyiram bungaan mimpi-mimpi layu.
mereka yang kau temani sering dipanggil bodoh,
menunggu sesuatu yang kabur,
habuan dan ganjaran jauh sekali dimata.
namun mereka yang mengerti, mereka juga ketahui,
pabila Sabar membuahkan Redha,
inilah ganjaran terhebat,
dan Sabar, ni rahsiamu yang teramat halus.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
T'was 21st of May, 2011, any Saturday afternoon...
when Allah s.w.t shaken the earth with His power,
an orphanage (Madrasah al-Taqwa) which housed boys aged 8-18 years old was hit by landslides.
the news reported that it was two landslides hitting the orphanage at the same time.
49 people were in the orphanage area at the time.
a group of young children(24-25 including their wardens), were rehearsing a performance under an outdoor tent, for some guests scheduled to visit them later in the evening.
they were the first victims of the landslides.
the landslides hit the orphanage at around 2.30pm.
The rescue team continued their rescue effort, amidst the heavy rain.
at exactly 5.05 am, 22nd May, 2011, the last victim (an 8 year-old boy) was finally dug up from the wreckage.
According to the final report, a total of 16 people (children & adults) lost their lives, while 9 other survived with 3 of them with major injuries.
-gratitude & respect, to the rescue team who made the undying effort in saving the victims.
O'Allah, 'Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un'
-To Allah we belong, and to Him is our return-
truly You are the holder of life and death,
of the earth, the rain, the sky,the wind,
from You came all the wrath,
to let us not forget to Whom we belong,
it is from You too, came all the beauty, the peace, the strength, and the faith,
that when You choose to give,
nothing can hold You from it,
and when You choose to take away,
not a thing in this universe can stop You from doing so,
grant them the strength to go through this ordeal, with patience and preservation,
grant them the faith in You, to hold unto You, and bear this pain,
bless them, the souls of the dead,
ease their journeys in the Hereafter,
protect them, and have mercy for them,
forgive them for all their sins in this world,
.....truly, You are the Greatest, the Most Merciful, the Most Forgiving.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
about you that says,
y.o.u.'l.l. b.e. a.r.o.u.n.d.
in my life,
whenever i turn to you.
if you twist this heart, Lord,
twist it, into the heart that loves You,
and finds peace in You,
and in Your faithful servants.
twist it, so that this heart,
yearns for You,
and in this heart that feels love,
will bring itself closer to You.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
i have my f.l.a.w.s,
b.u.t i am willing to l.e.a.r.n,
and stand up for what i b.e.l.ie.v.e in,
i am not afraid of m.i.s.t.a.k.e.s,
because they t.e.a.c.h me more than success does,
i am not .a.f.r.a.i.d. of giving up things dear to me,
i am not afraid of losing it all,
if the g.a.i.n is in You.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
all praises be to the Lord, Allah swt.
all praises be to Allah, the Almighty, the All-Forgiving,
He that has given so much,
yet asking none in return,
but in our faithfulness to His ibadah.
I miss Him, Allah Taala.
I long for the day to meet Him, my Creator,
if an orphan who finally found his long lost parents after 20 years can cry,
i cannot fathom the feelings of finally meeting Him, the Creator of everything.
If a child who lost his parents in a supermarket for two hours can feel so much fear,
that was how i felt, before He found me, in this maze of life.
Syukur alhamdulillah, He has brought me here in His path,
all praises be to Him, to His Final Messenger, Rasulullah saw,
all praises be to His angels, His Prophets,
and to those He has promised heaven.
I long for the day to meet Him,
and He'll say 'Salamun!'
just like in Yasin, verse 58, " Salamun! Qawlam-mir rabbir rahim!"
"Peace on you! will be the word form the most-merciful Lord"
to finally meet Him,
I shall sing my praises to Him,
I shall sing praises in His name,
till my tears dry,
till the morning sun rises,
Syukur, syukur alhamdulillah.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
I had a dream last night. A dream of war.
Not just any war.
but the war in Afghanistan...
I dreamed i was there, a witness to the horror and fear surrounding the land that every breath was infused with them.
Most vividly, i dreamed of the children...
I witnessed the enemy collected and gathered all the young children, in a space, a muddy field, barren land...
and they were murdered. Mass annihilation of the children in Afghanistan.
I witnessed horror that befell them.
....their hands and legs were chopped off... while still alive,
and were left to bleed to death.
I saw a father,
....unwilling to let go of his child,
and then the enemies came,
and chopped of the child's body, while the father was still clinging on to him,
and all was left, was the father, holding his child's head, crying in grief.
In the dream, I was, unprepared to witness the horror.
I managed to escape to somewhere safe, back to the ship that brought all of us (a group of journalists) there.
The fear felt so real.
That in my heart i said, "Allah, i was unprepared". "We will all die here".
I wrote in a book, what i saw. I remembered thinking, the whole world needs to know what is happening here. And it will be my duty to see through that this piece of writing reaches them.
And then i asked a man in the ship,
"If we die here, is it 'mati syahid'?"
He said yes.
and syahid is the best death that Allah swt can give to His servant.
In that dream, i accepted the fate.
To Allah i said, "I am ready. To die in your service."
and i woke up.
All these while, how i've been ignorant... How i've looked at the pictures of people, my fellow Islam brothers and sisters got killed to protect their land, their religion. To protect Allah swt's dignity. How i feel helpless, clueless in helping them.
i've been given a glimpse of how, if i were to fulfill my duty.. i should have been there. To fight
And give my life in the name of Allah swt.
How many of us, are willing to let go of everything else, and go to war against the enemies of Islam, and give our life in His name?
It is difficult.
yet right now, even if it is just a dream...
in another part of this earth,
another fellow brother and sister is being tortured and killed in the hands of the enemies...
Forgive me, Allah.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
more than anything else,
i want to have this....
a Muslim family....
to guide me in Islam,
to teach me to read His surahs,
to tell me stories of Hadith, stories of the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh),
parents who will tell me never to forget my solat,
parents who will say they will offer doa for me,
parents who will tell me in times of trouble "Seek for Allah, He will guide us",
more than anything else,
just like any other Muslim friends who have it,
no matter how hard i wish for,
this is something i'll never have.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
When Allah s.w.t decides to give, not a hand on this earth can stop Him from giving,
When Allah s.w.t decides to take away something, not a hand on this earth can prevent Him
taking it away.
He took my grandmother away. She's gone.
Just a few months ago i took her hands and sat by her side.
Just 5 years ago, she smiled when she saw her granddaughters all growing up.
Just 10 years ago, she smiled when she knew her children are doing well on their own.
My grandmother gave birth to 10 children; 6 sons and 4 girls.
With her own bare hands, a kampung house, a small piece of land,
she and grandfather sown seeds upon seeds of vegetables, rice,
collected buckets and buckets of rubber milk,
upon the gasoline lamps, taught her children to study,
watched them graduate from universities one by one,
watched them sending photos of their own families,
and she sat there looking at the photographs every night,
looking at all those gone by years,
and now she's gone.
she taught my mother to be strong,
therefore she is stronger than anyone i've known,
knowing Allah s.w.t has chosen this way,
there's nothing i can do but to bury this pain.
and when i know i can't give her prayers of al-fatihah,
my heart is wounded,
and the only thing i can do is to pray that Allah s.w.t will lighten her burden in the afterlife,
ease her journey, and save her from any more sufferings.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji'un
To Allah we belong, and to Him shall we be returned
Monday, February 21, 2011
When they sing,
of Your Words, Your Sentences, Dear Lord,
in groups, gathered together,
with an Imam,
or just by themselves,
at dawn, mid noon,
dusk, or in the dark of nights,
do they remember,
all that they read were Your Revelations?
those that were revealed long ago, by Jibril Your angel,
from the sky,
revealed to him, Your Beloved,
and when Your Words are spoken,
the vast sky had once shook,
for they fear of You, Dear Lord,
and when Your Words are heard,
them who resides in the sky once dropped down,
prostrated upon You,
for their fear of You, My Lord,
and Jibril shall be the first to rise up his head,
to hearken Your order, to bring Your Revelation to him, Your Beloved,
till the end,
do they still remember now, those that listens to Your Revelations?
do they still remember now, those that gathered to sing of Your Words?
Words that once made the sky shook,
Words that once made them who lived in the sky shaken,
and when they sing,
with a melodious voice,
with praises, prizes, wealth and status,
to the one with the prettiest of voice,
do they remember,
all Your Words,
Your Revelations to us,
that were once guidance to him, our Prophet,
that once stopped his tears, lessen his fear,
that once were spoken out of his humble lips?
has long been lost, long long ago?