When they sing

When they sing,
of Your Words, Your Sentences, Dear Lord,
alone,
in groups, gathered together,
with an Imam,
or just by themselves,
at dawn, mid noon,
dusk, or in the dark of nights,

do they remember,
all that they read were Your Revelations?

those that were revealed long ago, by Jibril Your angel,
from the sky,

revealed to him, Your Beloved,

and when Your Words are spoken,
the vast sky had once shook,
for they fear of You, Dear Lord,

and when Your Words are heard,
them who resides in the sky once dropped down,
prostrated upon You,
for their fear of You, My Lord,

and Jibril shall be the first to rise up his head,
to hearken Your order, to bring Your Revelation to him, Your Beloved,


till the end,

do they still remember now, those that listens to Your Revelations?
do they still remember now, those that gathered to sing of Your Words?

Words that once made the sky shook,
Words that once made them who lived in the sky shaken,


and when they sing,
with a melodious voice,
with praises, prizes, wealth and status,
to the one with the prettiest of voice,


do they remember,

all Your Words,
Your Revelations to us,

that were once guidance to him, our Prophet,
that once stopped his tears, lessen his fear,
that once were spoken out of his humble lips?


or everything,

has long been lost, long long ago?

thoughts

a fellow muslimah said, "be grateful that we are born as Muslims. Try and imagine we are born as kafirs (non-muslims), and we do not know anything about islam..." She said this, in a roomful of muslimahs, and me.

i was born a kafir, and i do know about islam.

"It is true you will not be able to guide everyone whom you love: but Allah guides those whom He will and He knows best those who receive guidance."

(28:56)

"... Allah sets on the right path whom He pleases.." (2:272)

"He grants wisdom to those he pleases; and he to whom wisdom is granted received indeed a benefit overflowing; but none will grasp the message but men of understanding."(2:269)

i was born a kafir, two people whom i love the most, whom my life they gave, are kafirs. And when you seek to say those that were born Muslims are better than those that were not... i beg to differ.

We did not choose who we want to be born as. It is all in His hands.

to me, each and everyone of us, kafirs or muslims, are equal. The thing that makes any of us different is how much of Allah's words, of Islam that we came to understand, love and practice.

and, at a certain point of our lives, when our hearts are opened, He will guide us, just like He guided His Prophets, the Sahabbah, and those that have died before us.

To me, if i were given a choice, i'll still choose to be who i am now. A person who was not born Muslim, but found Allah and Islam somewhere along the path, with His guidance.

...because, if i weren't so,

i wouldn't have dreamt of His light,

i wouldn't have dreamt of His people,

i wouldn't have felt the beauty in praying,

wouldn't have understood and memorized the meanings of each words uttered in a single prayer.

i wouldn't have known, the difference between other religions,

i wouldn't have felt, seen, learn, read, things that i came across before i found my CERTAINTY in Islam.

and if you ask me, i stood by my choice. I believe in His words, and will stand by them 100%, even if i have to sacrifice everything that i love (my family, my home).

the question is... if you were born a Muslim,

how many of you have the chance to see, to feel, all that i've been through?

things that make you cry in your prayers, things that make you not want to sleep but use the whole night to pray, to tell Allah, syukur for Him, for everything?

if you were born a Muslim, how many of you would know the price of sacrificing for Allah, for Islam?

knowing that you are going against your ancestors, you parents and family will be hurt, yet you stand firm, knowing that even if you lose everything, He shall provide enough for you?

...and again, to me,

a Muslim, a kafir, they are just the same, and neither is better than the other, only different. What actually matters, and what we should be grateful for each and every day...

is our very next breath of air,

the next dawn that comes,

the next chance of sujud,

the very moment we can open our eyes and see,

the Quran, His words,

the food, the clothes, His bountiful gifts to us,

the strength in our soul,

the love in our hearts,

the laughter that ends in us reminded of Him,

the tears of being touched by His power,

our leader, how he loved us.......

these are the things we should be grateful for... not just about whether we are born Muslims or not.

for if i were to have followed what i've seen in my fellow Muslim friends 2 years ago,

i'd have given up on life and faith, and ultimately... not be where i am right now.

even if i dont have my parents teaching me about Him,

even if i dont have anyone teaching me to read His words,

even if i dont have a teacher to teach me the practices,

i wouldn't want to trade what i've been through, just so that i can be born a Muslim.

alone

years and years onwards, i'll look back and i'll laugh. but for now, i'll cry.

Rasulullah saw used his whole lifetime in service to other people. From the moment he was crowned as the final prophet to walk on this earth, he used every single part of his breath, to help his people, his umat...us.

He cried days and nights, for Allah swt to guide us, free us from hell fire,
He fought bravely, amidst the lost of his sahabah in war, he fought on... so that we, can still have islam.

the final moments of his life, in his last few breaths, he spoke of none, but his umat... us. He died in worries, of his umat... us. He feared we will be lost without him, he feared not of his own life, but us.

and from a hadith that says, Prophet Muhammad s.a.w shall be the first to be woken up from his grave. The first question he asks is not of himself, instead he asked Jibril a.s to give him good news of us.

We shall be the last people to arrive...and he waited for us. "My umat!", he cried out..
and when his umat crosses the sirat, when he sees any one of his umat is about to fall into the hell-fire, he cried...and he asked endlessly for Allah s.w.t to ease his people's journey...to let them enter heaven, for they are weak.

how can we not cry when we hear of this story?
how can we still laugh when we talk of Prophet Muhammad saw?

12 Rabi al-awwal, 1432... today is his birthday..
12 Rabi al-awwal, 1432... i finally decided i need to face my friends as who i really am now, a Muslim.

My first bacaan Yaasin...among my friends, whom i've been with for more than 2 years.
everything turned out to be a mess.

tears came down as i listened to them reading yasin, the heart of Quran. There is a reason Yasin is the heart of Quran, and it is so beautiful...

they finally read Surah al-Ikhlas, Surah al-Falaq, Surah al-Nas, the 3 surahs i first taught myself to read apart from al-fatihah.

every small bits of islam means alot to me... and i can't stop crying.
2 years ago, i'll never be able to be here, reading yasin.
2 years ago, i'd never imagined myself performing a single solat,
yet here i am now,

in front of my friends, as a muslim.
and i can't stop crying.

when i really need the strength, support, from anyone, i found none...the people that i need, they are too far away.

so i cried.

the only person that cried in the room. and i felt like a fool.
i cried because of Allah, because of Prophet Muhammad, and the first time i felt like a fool doing so.

---if i can ask for one thing. i'll ask to be born a Muslim, so that i will never have to go through these things all alone.

---for once, i think i'm tired. I can't look back, but i don't know the way forward anymore.

sujud terakhir

samakan waktu dalam hati mengikut ritmaMu,

biar degup jantung ini selari,

ritma setiap tiga ombak yang memecah pantai,

satu nafas,

ritma setiap 3 helai daun yang mencecah bumi,

satu nafas lagi,

samakan jiwa ini, dengan seruanMu.

dan bila sudah bersama seruan ritmaMu,

sujudkan diri ini,

setiap sujud bagaikan sujud terakhir,

setiap sujud bagaikan di depan mataMu,

dan ku akan rasa, cintaMu yang agung.

mereka berkata dalam tiap sujud,

tiap raka'at,

syurga di kanan, neraka di kiri,

Kaabah di depan mata, sirat di bawah tapak kaki,

dan Malaikat Maut di belakang memerhati...

dan setiap sujud ialah sujud terakhir bagiMu,

maka,

jatuhlah air mata di dalam sujud ini.

kerana senyap itu Kamu

tak pernah dikenali erti kata-kata,

yang keluar dari bibir mereka-mereka berkata,

teman mencari dalam kesunyian,

teman menjumpai, dalam kesenyapan.

kerana tenang itu Kamu,

kerana senyap itu Kamu,

kerana fitrah jalanMu sunyi,

kerana lumrah perjalanMu sepi,

bagi teman, segalanya telah ada di depan mata,

dakwahMu yang tanpa berkata.

Teman merasai kesejukan titisan hujanMu,

bau kesegaran alam pada petang dan malam bila akhirnya hujan.

Teman melihat bulan dan bintang yang membisu,

matahari yang terbit dan tenggelam dalam aturanMu,

muzika alam bila taufan menghendap,

bukankah ini semua dakwahMu?

kini merantau di bumi asing,

teman saksi keputihan saljiMu,

kesucian musim sejuk dan kelahiran musim bunga,

kerancakkan musim panas, kesepian musim luruh,

dan dalam setiap dahan, pokok, daun dan akar yang tumbuh dan mati,

dari debu, mereka dilahirkan semula dengan aturanMu,

bukankah dakwah ini telah mencukupi?

Sesungguhnya,

Teman tak pernah sesekali mengerti,

kata-kata, ayat-ayat yang disusun berbunga-bunga,

yang hanya teman erti,

kebenaran dalam keindahan erti namaMu,

keagungan dakwahMu, yang terselit dalam alam ciptaanMu,

kerana tenang itu Kamu,

kerana senyap itu Kamu,

dan dakwah ini yang akan teman bawa,

sehingga nafas ni berhenti,

kerana aturanMu.

One beautiful paragraph

Tersebut dalam sebuah Hadis.

Sabda Rasulullah SAW:


"Sesungguhnya Allah menciptakan Malaikat. Sayapnya yang sebelah mencapai bumi bahagian timur. Yang sebelah lagi mencapai bumi bahagian barat. Kepalanya di bawah Arasy dan kedua kakinya di dasar bumi ketujuh. Ia mempunyai bulu sebanyak bilangan makhluk Allah.

Ketika seorang lelaki atau perempuan daripada umatku membaca selawat kepadaku, maka Allah memerintahkan Malaikat itu agar menyelam ke dalam lautan dari Nur di bawah Arasy.

Malaikat yang menyelam itu kemudian keluar dan mengibas-ngibaskan sayapnya sehingga setiap bulu menitis setitis Nur.

Daripada setiap titisan itu Allah menjadikan Malaikat yang memohonkan keampunan bagi orang tersebut sampai hari Kiamat."

Boleh. takkan boleh

Kau

boleh ambil segalanya daripadaku,

robohkan rumahku, kubuku,

rampas hartaku, tanahku,

mengoyak jiwaku, menghancur hatiku,

merampas mereka yang penting bagiku,

menjatuhkan mereka yang kubergantung pada,

kau boleh mengambil segala-galanya dariku.

Kau

Kau boleh dengan sekelip mata,

menumbangkan harapan yang kubina,

merosakkan seribu impian meninggalkan kekosongan,

Kau boleh tinggalkan ku lemah, rapuh,

hancur

tetapi Kau takkan boleh mengambil,

Kalimah namaMu dariku.

Kau boleh tinggalkan ku keseorangan,

ambillah segala-galanya yang ingin Kau ambil,

kerana mereka semua adalah kepunyaanMu,

tak pernah sekali kukatakan mereka adalah milikku,

tetapi Kau takkan boleh menghilangkan,

kepercayaanku terhadapMu.

Kalimah agungMu telah kulafaz,

ku akur dengan segalanya Kau tentu,

ambilllah segala-galanya yang penting bagiku,

tinggalkanlah diriku kecil sejahil debu,

kau takkan goyahkan,

apa yang ada padaku tentangMu.

Kau boleh

ambil semuanya dariku.

Kau takkan boleh

ambil cintaku kepadaMu.

"Dan sesungguhnya akan Kami berikan cubaan kepadamu dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. Dan berikanlah berita gembira kepada orang yang sabar. (Iaitu) orang yang apabila ditimpa musibah, mereka mengucapkan: Inna lillahi wa innaha ilahi raji'un."

Surah al-Baqarah, [2:155-156]